Slaying those Dragons – Part Two

In May of 2004 I had a heart attack, not a massive one mind you, it was relatively mild but serious enough to stir up some psychological problems.  In all candor, this was the start of many of the bigger symptoms of depression, the depression was already there but it got a little worse.  Until then, I really felt like I was ten foot tall and bulletproof, the heart attack cut me down to size and reminded me that I was a mere mortal, just like everyone else, what a shock to my system.

Until then, I had been living erratically, busying myself more than anybody should ever be busy if they want to maintain a healthy life.  I was working full-time, active on several boards and committees, and my life was go-go-go, all the time.  I would grab a burger and fries in between meetings and catch a nap when I could, sleep and a healthy diet was at a premium.  I used all my vacation time on board activities, never taking time for myself, the surprise really wasn’t that I crashed, it was that I lasted so long before I did.

After the heart attack I became obsessed with living to the fullest, I mean really obsessed.  I should have slowed down but I didn’t, I just made trivial changes to my eating and sleeping habits , and kept on going.  What did change however, was my penchant for self-care, and for the condition of my home.  Hey, I had to sleep didn’t I, after all I had a bad heart, I really didn’t but self-pity overruled the doctor’s opinion.

My fear of dying didn’t kick in full-force until my sister Suzanne died suddenly of heart complications on September 26, 2005.  I was close to my sister and the grief over her death really threw me into a tailspin.  It was then that I reached out to a counseling agency for help.

People who need counselors tend to fear them, I know I did.  The fear of having to discuss your life with a stranger is normal, but it’s necessary if recovery is to take place.  Counseling has been one of the greatest tools in my ongoing battle with depression and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  A few months with a counselor and things started falling back into place for me. 

It’s hard, I know, to reach out when you are feeling stuck, but reaching out is the most important thing to do at that time.  At the time, my family was dealing with their own grief and their own issues, and I had entangled them so much in my web of self-pity that I didn’t feel it wise to reach out to them so I reached out directly to a counseling agency.  It didn’t really matter who I reached out to, I needed help and help was there.  If there’s nobody that you feel you can reach out to, family, friend, etc., there are crisis counselors, and crisis lines available in just about any location, and they are trained to help you, I know, I’ve used both in my current crisis and they helped me a lot.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to reach out to someone when you feel you’ve run out of options, reaching out is tool number one in my toolbox, and if there’s no one for you to reach out to, reach out to me at rivet.luc@gmail.com.  It would be my privilege to set up a time convenient for both of us so that we could talk.

Talking to someone who understands, is tool number two, whether it be a friend, a crisis line, a counselor, a support group, or someone who has been through the same situation, talking helps a lot.  You don’t have to suffer in silence, reach out and touch someone, as the phone company slogan says.

Love you all!

Luc