An Introvert’s Introspection

I was a shy and lonely child, a loner by every definition, who preferred to spend countless hours in my room either reading, writing, or fantasizing, to being outside playing with friends.  I didn’t have a lot of friends really, a handful at most, and they were mainly my go-to people when I was forced to spend time outside because I never felt that I fit in with people.  I was a dreamer, plain and simple, and if I could have found an isolated cabin somewhere, that would have suited me fine.

It was a sad existence but I had nobody else to blame but myself.  Sure, there were problems in my family, which family hasn’t got them, and there were the neighbourhood bullies who liked to pick on me because I was different, or maybe because I thought I was, but I had zero social skills back then and I’m the one who chose to isolate, wasn’t I?  I was more comfortable living in my mind than living in the real world, and somehow, I didn’t feel deprived.  In my mind, I was happy.

During my second go at high school, I had quit for three years and started back in the tenth grade, things changed.  Somehow during my three-year sabbatical from high school, I matured and overcame my debilitating shyness, and for the first time, I made some real friends, friends that I enjoyed spending time with.  I moved slightly on the introvert scale towards the extrovert side, and then I alcohol entered the scene and my extrovert side took over, not always in a good way I assure you.

Alcohol became my new best friend and took me to places I would have never dared to go, one drawback though, it also turned me into an asshole.  My romance with alcohol lasted about eleven years and while it had been fun in the beginning, near the end of my drinking my introverted side resurfaced and I became a closet drinker, drinking myself to oblivion in the privacy of my own home.

I quit drinking on August 8, 1991, and for a while, recovery carried me back to society and taught me how to live without drinking, and I had a social life again, I was having fun.  Once an introvert though, always an introvert, and I find myself isolating again, not as bad as in my youth, but isolating just the same. 

Reading, writing, and learning has become my thing again, when I’m not working or sleeping, I’m actively engaged in one of those activities, and I’m comfortable with it.  I have a few good friends that I connect with regularly, and I’m active in my Union, and they provide a welcome distraction but the fact of the matter is that I’m an introvert, that’s who I am, and that’s okay.

I can say in all honesty that my life is good today, I have a good connection with my Higher Power, and I am doing the things that I love to do, what else could a guy ask for.  Who says that being an introvert is a bad thing, it has its drawbacks of course, but it has also provided me with a rich life, no, not financially, and has fulfilled many of my dreams.  I am absolutely grateful for who I am and what I am!

Love you all!

Luc